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“Just because states pay for strategic stockpile, they believe they can use it for any national health emergency”

“Just because states pay for strategic stockpile, they believe they can use it for any national health emergency”

  • Till the last citizen is alive, we will not let go of ‘our’ stockpile

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service

After the controversial press briefing that left open many questions about the strategic national stockpile of medical supplies, an official from the administration stated, “We have a very experienced man leading the coronavirus efforts. What? Fauci? No, I meant the smart young guy in a Kushy job”. He was speaking to the blue Bonnet Bot, who was investigating the incident.

The official being interviewed was one among the politicians who ‘saved the nation’ by voting against a recent impeachment, and further stated that “Fake media might have said that the new in-charge is inexperienced, but he’s 39, so he’s got to have more experience than anybody else who’s in their thirties. How many people do you know, who have a high ranking official for a father-in-law, and also have a high position in the government themselves? No one’s achieved that much at such a young age, I tell you. And ALL of those who come out of this crisis alive, are going to know for a fact that the crisis did not kill them. And they also will know for a fact that this non-dying was at a time when this young leader was leading us fearlessly, irrespective of what most state Governors wanted him to do”.

And ALL of those who come out of this crisis alive, are going to know for a fact that the crisis did not kill them

The CDC formerly controlled the strategic National Stockpile


He continued, “When there’s no way to meet the demands of the states’ hospitals, to tell them with authority that you can’t get those supplies. Any other weak person would have let them have a go at our national stockpile of medical supplies. But not him. He will see to it that come what may, till the last citizen is alive, we will not let go of ‘our’ stockpile. If this is not good politics, what is?”

He will see to it that come what may, till the last citizen is alive, we will not let go of ‘our’ stockpile. If this is not good politics, what is?”

Another supporter of the government stated, “Whatever you say, data is what is most important, as said by the new young leader. Predictions, by definition, are not accurate. State Governors are actually asking for stuff based on ‘predictions’ of future needs—who does that? We don’t believe in such stuff. And how many of those Governors can use the word ‘data’ seven times in 17 seconds? And data is data—it sounds so scientific. I’m sold”.
“Just because the states pay for the stockpile through taxes, they start believing that they can actually use it for any national health emergency. Our senior leader has rightly said, ‘Maybe we don’t need so many Ventilators’. Our junior leader too may be proved to be more correct about his ‘data’, if we were to actually measure it” he concluded.

At the time of going to press, the nation’s only hope was medical supplies diverted from other countries that had stupidly ordered extra stuff much in advance, based on needless future ‘planning’ and fear-mongering about the virus.

Image Credit: Both images are from CDC via Unsplash.com

Disclaimer: The articles on this website are not real news. BonnetBots.com is a satire and entertainment website. The news is untrue and may seem real only because of the strange fact that fact is stranger than fiction.

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