Bonnet Bots Satire News Service
4th September 2020
The Long-lost serial killer who went by the name of ‘the unfounded one’, has finally been found by a coronavirus ‘contact tracing’ team, as his last victim tested positive for Covid-19 in his post-mortem. The Bonnet Bots, who are investigating the story, found that the local detectives had slacked a little, but the contact tracers would not take ‘no’ for an answer, and wanted to quarantine the serial killer to avoid the spread of the dreaded coronavirus.
“The police didn’t know how the victim died, except for just one little axe-wound behind his head. So we thought of testing him for the coronavirus, just to keep our pandemic reporting accurate”, stated Virul Mankatcher, an IT industry immigrant who volunteered to serve on the now-famous contact tracing unit from the local county of Aluminum Valley, which is a few blocks away from Silicon Valley. “The moment the test results came positive for ‘patient X’ as we call him, our active contact tracing team immediately went after his killer,” he told the blue Bonnet Bot.
The original detective team that was trying to find ‘the unfounded one’ had some face-saving to do. “We have a lot of political interference, but who wants to interfere in contact tracing?” questioned a detective assigned to the serial killer’s case. Another detective complained that “We are held responsible for more paperwork, than they pay per work. The contact tracing team has no job other than to follow people. That too with empty roads due to the pandemic, their work appears to be much more efficient than it actually is” complained another detective on the unit.
“He could have killed more through the coronavirus than through his axe. We can never be too careful”, said Virul, the tracer team member, as he hurried off to isolate family members of the unknown extra-marital girlfriend of Patient Y, a later victim of the serial killer. Nobody knew that patient Y had a girlfriend outside of his marriage, but for the rigorous contact tracer team which also made this discovery. Now patient Y’s wife is not sure whether or not she wants to cry over her husband’s death. But she finally took a decision to cry after being informed that she too had to go into a quarantine facility due to her contact with her husband, Patient Y, who was now a Covid-19 suspect post his death. There she will have the company of the extra-marital ex-girlfriend of her ex-husband, as well as the ex-serial killer.
At press time, the local detective unit was caught desperately running behind a man, later confirmed by the Bonnet Bots to be the ‘unfounded one’, after he was freed by the contact tracing team because ‘his 7 days of isolation were over’.
During the investigation, the human team behind Bonnet Bots got a good realization of the efforts and personal sacrifice of the tracer teams, along with other frontline workers. We salute their sacrifices and thank them for keeping us all safe.