Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service
Following in the footsteps of the TikTok app, which is trying to get sold to a US company to avoid losses due to links to its home country, SARS-CoV-2, the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, has decided to go American. Able to afford a lawyer due to its sudden fame, the coronavirus has decided to fight out its notoriety, and the major step in this direction is to be acquired by a US-based entity for an ‘image makeover’.
The Blue Bonnet Bot spoke to the virus’ lawyer, Justin Forcash. “Why are you fighting on the side of the killer virus? Are you so crazy for cash?” asked the Blue Bonnet Bot. “No, I’m not just in for cash,” he said, blushing a bit. Then with as serious a face as he could manage, he added, “Doesn’t EACH one deserve a lawyer? What if the killers are innocent?”
“I can’t win an argument with a human lawyer, but what’s the logic behind this?” asked the Bot. “Simple,” said the lawyer, “The virus is perceived as a foreign-made pathogen, making it unpopular amongst not just our politicians, but also many of our youth who no longer want to attend coronavirus parties. Just as TikTok will suddenly become security-risk-free after an American acquisition, so will the coronavirus. Plus a US organization can claim to be the high-tech biological researcher responsible for my client, instead of some faraway lab controlled by a foreign government.”
The Coronavirus is not actually harmful. It is just the deaths caused by it, that make it appear that way…
–Justin Forcash, Lawyer for the coronavirus on US soil
“If somebody in the US acquired it, it would face less discrimination from the small number of Americans who still believe that the coronavirus is actually as harmful as the deaths make it appear. Going out is as safe as driving a car. In fact, a car accident can kill you faster than the coronavirus.”
One coronavirus party organizer stated, “ We are living at a time when America is finally understanding that it is wrong to discriminate on the basis of one’s genes. So why should this virus be treated any differently from other viruses, who just have different genes?” she demanded.
At the time of going to press, the Yellow Bonnet Bot tried to gauge the public’s reaction to this event. “Oh…so the US will possibly buy Coronavirus, just as TikTok will possibly be bought by Microsoft? And Microsoft was founded by Bill Gates! See? I am no Oracle, but I knew there is ultimately a link between the Coronavirus and Bill Gates!” stated a local on the condition of anonymity.
