Bonnet Bots Satire News Service
15th May 2020
Claimuri Jecter, a spokesperson for the IFI-APE (International Federation of Insurance Associations on Planet Earth), stated that on an immediate basis, stupidity should be declared as an ‘act of God’ to save the insurance industry. Failure to take this particular action will put the insurance industry in general, and the general insurance industry in particular, in danger.
She first made us aware of this while speaking on a 2G voice call, and sent a photo using the 3G data network, with a 4G-capable phone, while complaining about the 5G network Towers being burnt down. The ‘smart’ people are calling it an act of stupidity. However, things don’t seem to be working well for IFI-APE, and people are blaming the industry of Claimuri Jecter for being a Claim Rejecter.
The Blue Bonnet Bot spoke to her to understand the issue. “People across Europe are burning 5G towers due to fake conspiracy theories linking 5G with Covid-19. And the insurance industry has to bear the brunt of it. We have already blamed it on stupidity, but we will still have to pay the insurance claims, as ‘stupidity’ is not currently classified as an act of God. Many insurance claims can only be rejected if the incident can be proven to be an act of God, hence the need”.
The Bonnet Bot asked her, “Why not just say Covid-19 is an act of God? You can reject the claims even that way”. “Can’t do that as the federal government has already claimed it as an act of a certain other country” said Claimuri. “Why not blame it on the excessive spread of Covid-19 due to people protesting to force the early opening of the economy?” asked the Bonnet Bot. “Can’t do that, the federal government is already supporting their cause”, claimed Claimuri.
“Why not blame it on the National Emergency Stockpile having insufficient PPE?” asked the Bonnet Bot. “No, the federal government has already washed its hands off it”, she replied.
“I can’t even somehow blame it on the Murder Hornets, as I just found out that they can be blamed for 5 Bee’s, not 5G’s” she continued. “So it’s clear we cannot blame the coronavirus or anything related to it. If we fail, it would add the insurance industry to the long list of industries destroyed by Covid-19, which already includes industries like airlines, tourism, and the high-margin popcorn industry.”
At the time of going to press, Claimuri was having a losing debate with the federal government which refused to agree that stupidity could exist in this government or country, that would soon be great again.
