Bonnet Bots Satire News Service
Taking a cue from the movie industry, Japan will possibly be holding the Olympics online to salvage their pandemic losses. The decision is still awaiting final approval. The movie industry used this strategy of going online through streaming, and Japan wants to do this with the Olympics, as per our highly placed unreliable sources.
“E-sports is such a big business these days, then why can’t the various sports from the Olympics be held online too?” said Innovay Tivsolveraki, Japan’s chief decision-maker of the sports society responsible for this suggestion. “We will forward the proposal to the respective officials. We are getting all approvals too, online” he told the Bonnet Bots, who interviewed him.
Unique features about the proposed online Olympics, as researched by the Bonnet Bots:
- Opening ceremony to happen on Zoom
- Athletes will play e-versions of their own sport, working from home on computer games chosen by the official committee of e-sports equivalents
- Online referees too will ‘refer’ from home
- Air-conditioned homes mandatory for ice skating participants as well as e-spectators for this sport
- EA and Activision to be among the companies vying for official game titles providers
- Sony, Microsft and Nintendo are vying for ‘official hardware partner’ sponsorships, pitching Playstation 5, Xbox Series X and Wii respectively
- Some local hospitals and other medical facilities, which were hoping to ring in big profits, had opposed the move. They will now be given compensation for lost revenue due to the games being moved online
When the Bonnet Bots enquired whether there would be loss of revenue due to no ‘ticket sales’ in actual stadiums, the official claimed “We will in fact earn a lot more from TV viewership since many people are still working from home. Their bosses won’t know what they’re doing…we cannot let go of such an opportunity,” he smiled at the Yellow Bot.
At the time of going to press, an unconfirmed statement from the official stated “The spectators should only wear clothes above their waist, with the logos of the official Olympic sponsors, else their webcams will be turned off.” Further, “Rowdy sports fans shall at all times keep their mics on mute, and are requested not to start screen sharing” the notice concluded.
