International Satire News

Boss asks employee caught in hostage situation to ‘work remotely’ from bank under siege

Bonnet Bots Unbelievably Untrue News Service

“Hey Boss! I can’t talk on phone right now. I’m ducking under a table to call the police. I’m in a hostage situation at the local bank” blurted Tomen Tedman, an employee of a local MNC. “Oh, it really won’t take more than a few minutes” said the Boss, whose name has been withheld on special request by the company’s HR. “No boss, I need to call 911” said Tomen. “Sure,” said the Boss, “I can completely understand. Go ahead and call them right after you send me yesterday’s two mock-ups on email. I have a meeting in 2 minutes.”

This was the conversation taking place right in front of the Blue Bonnet Bot, who was in the Boss’s office for some human interactions and to learn how modern offices optimize for ‘Productivity’. The Boss, who is known to be a very efficient Boss, did not think of penalizing Tomen Tedman, at least for now. His only thoughts were on the two ad mock-ups he had to present in the upcoming ‘urgent’ meeting.

Boss asking Tomen Tedman for two files unselfishly, while the Blue Bonnet Bot looks on

And the conversation continued in front of the Blue Bonnet Bot:

“But there are masked men here, Boss.”

“Of course, there are masked men everywhere. The pandemic isn’t officially over yet.”

“I think you don’t get it Boss. These men might shoot me if they see me speaking on phone.”

“Well, then why do you want to risk calling that number you just mentioned? Anyway, you just need to work on your laptop for a while. And if you think that’s risky, just ask those ‘masked men’ if they have any objection.”

“Seriously, Boss?”, Tomen whispered a shout into his cell phone, trying not to be heard by others.

“Of course, you should take their permission. We can’t risk them shooting you…right in the middle of the ‘Great Resignation’. Company policy will penalize me if I lose an employee now.”

-Boss, Local MNC
(name witheld as per HR request)

“I’m in the middle of a hostage situation.”

“Well…Are you the one robbing the bank or have you been singled out as a hostage?”


“Good, then you should be fine working from a remote corner. Speaking on phone might get you shot, so forget about that call to 911. And since you have time, and since email does not require the use of a phone, can you please send me those two files without wasting any more time?” said the Boss, hanging up the phone.

The Blue Bonnet Bot quickly processed the unfolding events, and picked up the phone to make a call to 911, to which the Boss reacted, “Wait, I can hear police sirens already, no need to call 911,” and pressed down the handset.

“OK, but don’t you think your call to Tomen Tedman was a bit selfish?” asked the Blue Bonnet Bot. “Well, if Tomen was shot, my team’s ‘diversity score’ would have gone up, as women would now be more than 50% of my team. In spite of this, I still tried a bit to save his life by making him ask their permission first, and you still call me selfish?” boasted the Boss, as he rushed to his upcoming meeting.

The hostage situation was resolved unexpectedly in a few minutes, as per the Yellow Bonnet Bot who was observing from outside the building under siege. Apparently, just before the masked men could make any demands, ‘a tormented man’ in a tie had made a demand that he be allowed to work remotely. Seeing his courage, the masked men came into tears. “We thought we are the bravest ones here, taking on the bank security et all, but we are doing this only because we could no longer take the pressure of our previous corporate jobs and bosses. Here’s a man who can still take that pressure. Hat’s off to you my boy” said their leader, and they immediately got into their getaway vehicle and left the scene. The police arrived and ended up cordoning off an empty bank filled with shocked people standing around a man on the floor, who was calmly sending an email to his boss on a laptop.

At the time of going to press, the Blue Bonnet Bot asked the company’s HR if any action would be taken with respect to the Boss who made this demand during the hostage situation, to which the HR nodded, saying that they were urgently considering what to do to “retain him” given that the said Boss is now in high demand from head hunters from various other firms. “That is precisely why we asked you to keep his identity anonymous while filing this report,” she told the Bot with an angry look.

Image credits: Cover photo by Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash; Boss’s photo by Moose Photos from

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