International Satire News

Big Pharma to use cheap generics on mice as own drugs too expensive for testing

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service

Due to hundreds of dollars given by Big Pharma to fight Covid-19, they have faced several reductions in the holiday budgets of their top executives. One executive even had to cut short his 7-day vacation at a Swiss Chalet by 2 days. Shocking. So the solution is to cut costs.

“If our best (read highest paid) employees get a reduction of perks, they might consider joining our competitors, who have not yet reduced paid vacations,” said Droughpro Fitoore, the VP HR for the department of employee benefits at Fizer&Johnson, one of the top pharma companies to profit from the Pandemic. He was speaking to the Bonnet Bots at their pantry, where non-human guests are treated to healthy cocktails of the best wellness medicines.

“It’s good that you robots do not need any of these free drug treats in the pantry,” he said at the end, adding that “it helps add to our cost-cutting measures in its own way”.

Image credit: Photo by Tanner Johnson from Pexels

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