International Satire News

Opportunism: Bankrupt ex-Billionaire quickly divorces wife before bouncing back to riches

The private-equity-induced collapse of retailers, or corporates in general, is a common phenomenon. However, a case has come to light where the resulting bankruptcy has actually given a ‘benefit’ to the company being infused/infested with Private Equity, as per a new report gathered by the Bonnet Bots.

“I’m not honest like Beff Jezos” the ex-billionaire is said to have quoted to our Blue Bonnet Bot. And he is now back in the black, to become a re-billionaire. But surprisingly, the divorce happened without a monetary outgo, without a single penny as alimony, due to his then ‘bankrupt’ status at the time of divorce.

The Yellow Bonnet Bot speaks to Noyuzaf D. Vorse, the re-billionaire’s ex-wife

“I would have never divorced him had I known the PE (Private Equity) angle. I am not a dumb wife. Hence I demand that the divorce be canceled terming it as an agreement via deception or divorce in bad faith”

Noyuzaf D. Vorse, ex-wife of the ex-Billionaire

Earlier, people did not suspect anything fishy. People have always misjudged that the wife herself would have dumped her husband once he was bankrupt. However, when the third-party involvement of PE players came to light, the entire case turned upside down, as per the investigators of the case. “He purposely led her to it” was their statement that left the Bots in great shock.

“It is true that I was the one to ask for the divorce, but I did not suspect any foul play because he had hidden the fact that the PE player was involved. I would have never divorced him had I known the PE angle; I am not a dumb wife. Hence I demand that the divorce be canceled terming it as an agreement via deception or divorce in bad faith”, shared the billionaire’s wife, Noyuzaf D. Vorse, in dismay to the Yellow Bonnet Bot.

Hanna Ecualkara, a part-time feminist, stated to the Bots, “Women are blamed all around the world for dumping husbands when they become poor, but the trick from men’s side is that they do not dump their wives until they become poor so that they do not have to split their billions with their ex-es. In fact, I think many men intentionally go bankrupt when they want a cheap divorce without alimony. And that makes the divorce really ‘cheap’ in other terms besides alimony. Besides, why else would they invite Private equity players to do leveraged buyouts of their firms?” she questioned while talking to our Yellow Bonnet Bot. 

A lot of badmouthing has hit the Private Equity (PE) industry notorious for destroying many firms through leveraged buyouts, allegedly for asset-stripping or other selfish profit. However, this is not true in all cases. People always point out a hundred examples, such as the ToysRUs bankruptcy, to blame the poor Private Equity industry. However, this ex-billionaire’s story is testimony to the fact that PE players too can be beneficial to corporates in general and retailers in particular. Also, this is not the only example. In fact, if a few more cases like these come to light by the next decade, the number of such examples might go into a double-digit figure.

At the time of going to press, the courts were still arguing whether to hold the divorce invalid given the fact that the husband and wife were not in total agreement over the reason for the divorce and were in fact fighting over it.

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Image Credits: Cover Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

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