FAQ’s for Astronaut Jobs: Clarifications for those willing to work for new-age space start-ups

Bonnet Bots Satire News Service

Many billionaire-led start-ups like Virgin Galactic, Blue Origin and SpaceX are recruiting astronauts to fly in their spaceships. While ordinary people may joke about these missions, serious people are asking questions before they can apply for astronaut jobs. So we, the two Bonnet Bots, decided to offer some help to you humans to answer your frequently asked questions (FAQ). The questions chosen are from those we received from real humans in a survey:

1. Will someone REALLY care for my safety on space missions? Yes, but only if a billionaire’s reputation is on the line
2. If I still somehow die in a space accident, will my family members become multi millionaires? No. But your lawyer’s families definitely will. And the media industry will make millions by milking your death through commemorative articles on your death anniversaries over the next 17.5 years
3. If I get pregnant, will I get accommodated as ground staff at a space launch pad? No, but you can continue to ‘work from home’ as an astronaut, as long as you are ready to wear the upper half of your space suit on Zoom meetings
4. Will I get to drink fresh water in space? Yes. Extremely fresh water, manufactured from your own liquid waste (and of your work colleagues too). This may not sound too appetizing at first, until you realize how fortunate you are that we don’t yet have the technology to manufacture your food similarly from solid waste
5. Will my mobile have network connectivity? Of cource. But beware of missing out on those fine views of outer space due to the ‘infinite scrolling’ feature on Facebook, or worse, your roaming bills running into a few billion dollars
6. Will they send a rescue mission if our spaceship is stuck on the Moon / Mars? Only if the shareholders approve. That would happen if someone can prove to the them that your life is worth the billions of dollars of the shareholder’s money needed for the rescue mission. So, no.

Image credits: Astronaut Photo by The New York Public Library on Unsplash