In what has become a perfectly acceptable Plan B, the state government of East Dakota state has decided that it needs to compensate for not being able to waive student loans. It will now help students to do what they HAVE to do when they are dying under the burden of student debt –flee the country.
“The govt. definitely needs to do something for the poor fellows who got admitted to universities and were burdened with loans. There are a very few like me who were lucky enough to never be able to get into a university”, said Dingo Tuskul, a local Grafitti Removal Consultant, who is able to save more money than most of his lesser-fortunate university-riddled friends. “I have seen them suffer while trying to escape the country, and this definitely helps” he told the Blue Bonnet Bot.
There are a very few like me who were lucky enough to never be able to get into a university– Dingo Tuskul, local Grafitti Removal Consultant
“Even a crime is forgiven if you were a minor when you committed it, but not a student loan. So this relief is really required. Especially since it is the government only that can loosen the borders if there is any hope to flee,” Dingo concluded.
“All loan forgiveness programs so far are available only to those with Federal loans, but for the first time, we are pushing for a solution that will protect even those who have private loans” boasted local East-Dakotan politician Mr. Steeleroff Kreadit, who goes to polls with a young voting population soon. “This waiver will be irrespective of whether the loan is federal or private, whether it is linked to an income-linked repayment or not, whether you made interim payments or not, and whether you qualify for the seven hundred and fifty-nine other waiver requirements or not” he stated matter-of-factly. As per some highly placed unreliable sources of the Bonnet Bots, his political party will be supporting this policy till the end of his own daughter’s loan tenure or till the end of voting for his upcoming election, whichever happens earlier.
This waiver will be irrespective of whether the loan is federal or private…and whether you qualify for the seven hundred and fifty nine other waiver requirements or not–Steeleroff Kreadit, Local East-Dakotan politician
However, not all were happy. “This is unfair, and punishes people like me for honesty” said Emma Runner, who had already spent money to flee the country on her own. “However, I’m at least able to walk with an upright head, for I am fleeing with Dignity, with my own parent’s hard-earned money,” she proudly stated.
At the time of going to press, parents were demanding that they too be included in the country-fleeing plan, at least in cases where their kids were still minors and ‘not expected to be able to flee by themselves.’