Bonnet Bots Newspaper

Roe vs Wade: 5% boost to economy expected Due to Anti-Abortion law

Unseen benefits await industries like Travel and Real Estate even before the un-aborted fetuses enter the…

School kids would be safe if law allowed them to carry guns, says lawyer to NRA

Ban on under-18 gun sales totally responsible for kids not being able to stop shooter themselves, and for a ‘market related’ problem

Nepotism: Pregnant Actress Trolled for Casting OWN Unborn Child as on-screen unborn child

Unbranded pillow denied chance of acting debut; netizens ask if pillow in question was black or white, to decide whether it is a racist crime or…

Actress who gained 25 kg for Movie role, unable to lose it back

Not getting any new role, even for same film series for which she gained weight in the first place! She says…

Shocking: Getting jobs without having inside ‘connections’ might still be possible today, claim experts

Though you might have to work for free as an intern, know how you can get FREE salary in return for your work, and other interesting tips!

Woman sues Hospital after husband given only 5 days to live is still not dead after two months

Doctor’s negligence messed up her financial planning around insurance money she wrongly expected due to ‘medically inaccurate false hopes’

After Russian Paralympic Ban, now Russian Women banned from Women’s Day celebrations

To prove that we don’t discriminate against women of color, we need to equally discriminate against women with blonde hair and blue eyes, says man responsible for ban

Warning: Covid-19 vigilante lures innocent kids and adults into masking up

Even countries like Canada are now getting rights to be mask-free, but this locality’s mask freedom is in severe danger, as per this latest report

Veto power is just a practical Veil, but theoretically, the UN is very, very powerful, claims expert

UN strong enough to protect Ukraine, if only Russia would agree not to Veto this action, he says

Leadership is inborn, can never be learnt through coaching, says leading Leadership coach

The absolute proof for this can be found in the (lack of) results achieved by his own students, he claims

Roe vs Wade: 5% boost to economy expected Due to Anti-Abortion law

Unseen benefits await industries like Travel and Real Estate even before the un-aborted fetuses enter the…

School kids would be safe if law allowed them to carry guns, says lawyer to NRA

Ban on under-18 gun sales totally responsible for kids not being able to stop shooter themselves, and for a ‘market related’ problem

Nepotism: Pregnant Actress Trolled for Casting OWN Unborn Child as on-screen unborn child

Unbranded pillow denied chance of acting debut; netizens ask if pillow in question was black or white, to decide whether it is a racist crime or…

Actress who gained 25 kg for Movie role, unable to lose it back

Not getting any new role, even for same film series for which she gained weight in the first place! She says…

Shocking: Getting jobs without having inside ‘connections’ might still be possible today, claim experts

Though you might have to work for free as an intern, know how you can get FREE salary in return for your work, and other interesting tips!

Woman sues Hospital after husband given only 5 days to live is still not dead after two months

Doctor’s negligence messed up her financial planning around insurance money she wrongly expected due to ‘medically inaccurate false hopes’

After Russian Paralympic Ban, now Russian Women banned from Women’s Day celebrations

To prove that we don’t discriminate against women of color, we need to equally discriminate against women with blonde hair and blue eyes, says man responsible for ban

Warning: Covid-19 vigilante lures innocent kids and adults into masking up

Even countries like Canada are now getting rights to be mask-free, but this locality’s mask freedom is in severe danger, as per this latest report

Veto power is just a practical Veil, but theoretically, the UN is very, very powerful, claims expert

UN strong enough to protect Ukraine, if only Russia would agree not to Veto this action, he says

Leadership is inborn, can never be learnt through coaching, says leading Leadership coach

The absolute proof for this can be found in the (lack of) results achieved by his own students, he claims

Boss asks employee caught in hostage situation to ‘work remotely’ from bank under siege

Defends order saying he had permitted employee to stop work if the masked men raised any objections

Fake Air Hostess used in Airline Ad turns out to be a model, never employed by airline

Frustrated customers complain to advertising standards bureau for ‘false claims’ and ‘unfair tactics to CRUSH competition’

Employees confused why Face-id systems not working after returning to offices

The systems ironically work when not following security measures at home, but not in office where mask and other Covid measures are compulsory

Record amounts of equipment rented by Gyms for demand during New Year Resolutions

Demand to last for full 2 weeks due to high ownership of fitness tracker watches

Chaos ensues after ‘Bring Girlfriend to Work’ Day changed last minute to ‘Family Day’ after invites already out

Several employees missing after unholy meet-ups of wives with ‘respective’ girlfriends

Celebrity Wedding: Couple shocked after nobody discusses wedding photos due to ‘Extreme Secrecy’

News Media moves on after absence of even a single leaked image to keep wedding in public memory

Town wins award for the cleanest Dustbins in the country

Read to learn how this town keeps its dustbins squeaky clean, from the inside rather than outside

Why Cats think they are like God

Know how the cutest animal on the internet was raised to Godly status by humans even before the internet existed (yes, this has lot of cute cat pics)

Doctors’ handwritings to be used as a last resort against AI algorithms that can crack CAPTCHA codes

This is the last hope against Artificial Intelligence algorithms that can identify EVERYTHING else

Wife irritated with female-only voice assistants being used by husband for all his phone searches, reminders, and GPS

The issue peaked when the husband thanked the ‘GPS-lady’ for driving directions, and she replied ‘That’s what I’m here for’ in a voice that was ‘seductive’ as per the wife

Cliché corporate photos may have no effect on office productivity, claims study

Report rubbished by HR manager who claimed high ’employee engagement’ achieved, with this proof.

After failing to waive student loans, US State Govt to now help students to Flee Country

This waiver will be irrespective of whether you qualify for the seven hundred and fifty-nine other waiver requirements or not

Revealed: Best solution to Mosquito bites is selecting the right Girlfriend

View this extremely useful (yet hilarious) slideshow to know how your choice of partner can directly affect your chances of being bitten by those little blood-sucking insects

Man finally gives in to ransom demand of social network so that he can ‘view list of people who have checked out his profile’

The business social network repeatedly kept emailing him about list of 36 people who had viewed his profile, which he could only see if he upgraded to their ‘premium’ service

Major turning point in Meghan Markle family relations came on realizing Royal Dynasty is Dynastic rather than Meritocratic

Given the lack of a better topic which will also be read by the masses, the Bonnet Bots decided to re-visit a topic long assumed dry for any more extractable juice

Bollywood: Tips for becoming a well-known actress in the film industry

The Bonnet Bots did some research on the film industry, in which they spoke to multiple stakeholders to understand the intricacies of stardom. They realised that becoming an actress is REALLY difficult,…

Millenial surprised to find Iron Man with advanced clothes iron that is ‘truly wireless’

Young tech-savvy tourist flummoxed that device can run for so long without even having a Lithium-ion battery

“Take back your unmanageable baby” insists government to Tata Group in desperate bid to sell Air India once again

Also find out the fate of other ex-Tata companies like New India Assurance, till eternity or mismanagement, whichever comes earlier

Missionary speaks to uncontacted tribe in forest; causes them to lose ‘uncontacted’ status

UNESCO forced to delete its favorite tribe from the exotic list of peoples who are still not in touch with the rest of the human race

Why no ‘step-motherly treatment’?

Read on to know whether Kareena can give step-motherly treatment to Sarah Ali Khan

Opportunism: Bankrupt ex-Billionaire quickly divorces wife before bouncing back to riches

Apparel Tycoon becomes first giant retailer to actually ‘benefit’ from injection of Private Equity

Report: 38% of people who use Google for medical diagnosis also see a real doctor for ‘second opinion’

Those who want a human doctor, want to play safe because of a peculiar reason…

Middle-class neighborhood divided over whether Betty Crocker’s cakes qualify as ‘homemade’

Dissidents of ready-mix cake ask if they can boast of home-made furniture as well, courtesy Ikea

Suicide notes now compulsory for all suicides from next month

Move to end confusion of whether to allot case to homicide department or self-service department of police in Grenovia, Europe

Jobs lost due to ‘accidentally unmuted Zoom mics’ is the new casualty of Covid-19

Bonus: Tips for corporate employees to avoid an unmute-faux-pas and save your job

‘Disposable pets’ trend emerging quickly due to Super-Expensive ‘Pet Food’

It’s now cheaper to regularly replace hungry pets with new ones than to keep buying costly food to keep existing ones alive

Politician vows to convert death penalty to life sentence for innocent people who were mistakenly convicted

Instead of aiming for perfect acquittal, we should get at least this much progress “before this election” he says

Woman successfully breaks glass ceiling on corporate ladder

Receives multiple glass injuries and a huge fine

Experts find conclusive evidence of China’s involvement in COVID-19 vaccine

Undercover teams investigating ‘Covid and everything related to it’, have claimed that the Sinopharm vaccine, and probably even Sinovac, have originated from China

Entire world finishes doing their bit for Afghanistan

They have not only posted support on social media but have boldly demanded presence of soldiers of countries other than their own, to help the troubled nation

Lifelong Credit Card Fraud: “I was duped by dating website”

Man complains after newfound wife finishes credit card limit in half a day

Startup surprised to learn they do not qualify as ‘Non-profit organization’ in spite of 4 years without profit

It wanted tax relief of a non-profit after having failed in spite of having ‘innovation at its core’

Entire Sports Budget Wasted on Sports

Earlier governments have better used the sports budgets to enrich the poorest peoples’ political leaders

Will airline sue medical bodies for using its trademarked name for Delta variant?

Read to know how Airplanes and Delta variant can be considered to be from same class for trademarks

Anti-maskers demand neutral survey amongst specific people only

Want mask survey only amongst those who aren’t biased due to family member deaths caused by Covid-19

15 tips to save costs during your wedding

Inspired by couple who got married during lockdown to benefit from reduced guest lists

Man accidentally creates artwork worth 2 million dollars

The paints he spilled on the back side of the actual painting, got accidentally displayed at the auction

Construction error passed off as ‘modern architecture’

Innovative building consultant helps save face and avoid millions in rebuilding costs

FAQ’s for Astronaut Jobs: Clarifications for those willing to work for new-age space start-ups

Know the source of your water in space, and what happens to your job if you get pregnant

Coding lessons for your 2-year-old child! Why wait till they turn 6?

This will also outwit those who pressurize your child’s parents about their kids’ coding abilities

Next Olympics might be held ONLINE to avoid cancellation due to Pandemic

Athletes to ‘work from home’ to be out of risk; Playstation, Xbox, and Wii competing to be the official sports hardware provider for the games

Man lures girl into marriage by posing as rich guy by tinkering with car’s fuel tank indicator

Read to know how high fuel prices led to ‘full tank fraud’ that could only be detected because of Bluetooth Earphones

Big Pharma to use cheap generics on mice as own drugs too expensive for testing

They have assured regulators of no ulterior motive other than marginal profiteering

Actress found to be using body double at home instead of film sets, during the pandemic. Click to know why!

Read Full article to know what happened to Sanushka’s body double

‘Piercing pain ahead’ says WHO as it warns countries about next wave of Vaccine shots

The most painful part of the pandemic for those yet unaffected by the allegedly real virus is the pain from the jab

Hundreds face homelessness in JNU university after being unable to ‘fail exam to retain hostels’

Exam-less promotions during covid-19, just like 10th class promotions, are hanging like a sword over ‘veteran’ students

Nitin Gadkari building roads like there is no tomorrow. What do people think?

The Bonnet Bots spoke to people about Nitin Gadkariji building roads like there is no tomorrow.Their viewpoints have baffled the robots.

woman appreciating electricity
News about entire Bangalore having one full day without power cut turns out to be April fool joke

The Government had allegedly announced 24 hours without power cuts; people in areas such as Bellandur, Whitefield, Marathahalli, and the various ‘Layouts’ were gullible enough to believe it

“We will condemn on Twitter, even Facebook if need be”, says bold statement from world’s nations on Myanmar Protestor Deaths

India has already asked for a ‘peaceful solution’, but one of India’s large neighbors decided not to indulge in such tactics, to avoid troubling Myanmar’s military that is already troubled by ‘internal issues’

Honest feminist wants reduction in female supermodels’ pay to match that of their male counterparts

Sometimes it is the men who need more equality than women, explains someone who is not a biased neutral observer

Aliens allegedly putting abductions on hold until humans sort out Covid-19 vaccine mess

A secret interview accessed by the Bonnet Bots reveal details Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service Conspiracy theorist organizations worldwide are worried about the sudden decrease in claimed alien abductions during the coronavirus…

We are unfortunately in that parallel universe where ‘Inferno’ ends differently, with a killer virus released into humans, reveals Dan Brown’s fan about the real source of Covid-19

Recent Lebanon explosion mystery also solved; Ammonium Nitrate was just a ‘conspiracy theory’ Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service The inferno movie actually happened, and it is not fiction, claimed a Dan Brown…

Earphone untangling expert stares at uncertain future after Bluetooth ‘wireless’ earbuds becoming commonplace

He used to visit old age homes and help the elderly regularly in tasks such as un-entangling their earphones and sometimes even re-installing the entire shoe-lace-multihole network on their shoes -all thanks…

Historic Period film fails at Box Office after failing to attract protests from even a single political party

Director pays the price for forgetting to add inaccuracies related to exploiting ‘artistic freedoms’ Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service Not having a marketing budget for historic period films may be the norm…

Is CIBIL an Indian Government body?

Most people think CIBIL is a government body, which gives credit scores in India. But is it? No, its not a government body. Of course, one would think, how else could they…

ISRO finally gets relief against fake ‘Chandrayaan 2’ images!

Bonnet Bots Satire News Service   A large number of Indians were simply refusing to accept the images released by ISRO on 4th Aug 2019, which show planet earth as captured by…

“Thanks to our warnings, the power grid did not fail” says rival politician after power grid refuses to fail during India’s Covid-19 solidarity event

“We should wait for all grid results to come in” stated another politician in line with party policy followed during unfavorable exit poll results. Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service Report filed: April…

PM Modi ensures India’s TikTok stars won’t starve after ban, at least till November

Ban on 59 apps of neighboring country blamed for unemployment amongst Indians with only TikTok talent Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service India has banned 59 apps from its famous neighboring country, citing…

Cricketer regrets using AI on his birthday for selecting return gift for wife

Fiasco entails after ‘Ring’ chosen by Artificial Intelligence algorithm turns out to be a different kind than expected… Famous Indian cricketer Kirat Vohli wanted to give the best possible return gift to…

Film stars write open letter demanding ‘scheme’ for respectable exit from drug scandal to save industry colleagues

They have demanded a VDIS scheme (Voluntary Disclosure of Illegal Substances) to avoid industry from overcrowding the country’s jails The national controller of drugs (NCD) has received open requests via tweets, protests…

Guinea pigs suffer greatest job losses due to direct human trials for corona vaccine

The coronavirus  a.k.a Covid-19 pandemic is sparing no humans; and job losses are common in all sections of human society. But the pandemic is also having an effect on jobs beyond humans.…

Local trains to allow at most two persons dangling from the doors, during the Covid-19 pandemic

Dangling from bus or train doors is life-threatening during pandemic, realizes CUPID authority

Theranos: Failed CEO claims she thought own shortcomings were only a case of ‘imposter syndrome’

If you feel like a fraud who is about to be exposed, you are suffering from Imposter syndrome, many HR Blogs kept telling her. It was one bl**dy mistake (pun intended!)

‘Powerful’ Irony: Mumbaikars unable to see TV news about Mumbai power failure, due to Mumbai power failure

Bonnet Bots Satire News Service “How ironic”, said Electra Shetty, an electricity user from Mumbai. “Mumbaikars wanted to switch on TV like never before, to know the cause of the power failure.…

Shockingly Accurate AI Study reveals that those who regularly eat chocolate for more than 5 years…

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service A shockingly accurate study by the Bonnet Bots has revealed that those who regularly eat chocolate for more than 5 years, really LOVE CHOCOLATE!!! Only a study…

Flight overbooking specialists suffering even after they stop causing trouble to travelers, due to pandemic

They helped airlines with much undeserved revenue but still got undeserved unemployment

‘WHO’ praises North Korea for excellent Covid-19 containment after they report only one active case

But in the United States, at a meeting organized by The Bonnet Bots Show, Trump stated to a North Korean spokesperson, to the Bonnet Bots, and to you-know-WHO, that he “does not believe the numbers”

Child labor laws to be relaxed for pandemic ‘only for…’

Absence of house maids due to the Covid-19 lockdowns has caused this problem around the globe.
The law was made for avoiding prison space shortage if too many parents are jailed during the pandemic.

Husband and wife argue about who is more dis-loyal after being accidentally matched up by ‘blind dating’ app

The app maker denied any wrong-doing, saying it was impossible for a husband and wife to have the SAME likings after marriage, so at least one of them must have lied on their profile

‘What women want’ finally revealed using Artificial Intelligence (AI)

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service The question of what women want, has finally been answered, using the cutting edge tool of artificial intelligence, or AI. Nothing is impossible for AI, especially for…

Introvert man afraid he will wake up to find lockdown was just a sweet dream

The funny video conversation between Haytut Alk, an introvert who hates to talk or interact with others. See how he hilariously views things differently from humans and robots! Also, find out why…

Avoid ugly body changes after childbirth: Advice for new Fathers

Leading Masculinist Sev D’maine describes how men can cope with the occasional burdens of parenthood like having to get up in the middle of the night at least once every week, or having to take the baby for vaccination every other month

Woman stocks up too much toilet paper only to realize they use water squirt-gun at home

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service A South Asian woman, who was learning self-quarantine do’s-and-don’t s from news channels in other regions affected by the Covid-19 coronavirus, bought 173 rolls of toilet paper,…

Environment Police hit jackpot at World Plastic Expo; Penalize hundreds of vendor booths as per plastic ban

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service In the first major raid since the 1st March plastic ban in 2020, the New York authorities confiscated huge amounts of plastic and single-use plastic products and…

Politician forced to declare bankruptcy due to traffic fine bigger than his ‘declared assets’

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service Local politician Vahan Thikparkkar got a big shock of his life when an auto-rickshaw registered under his name was fined by the traffic police for multiple violations…

People unsure whether to vote for politician who already fulfilled promise BEFORE the election

They wonder if their vote will be of any use since the work is already done Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service Naani amma, a local resident of Jugnutelaiya in Rajasthan, was speaking…

Couple cancels divorce due to ‘irreconcilable differences’ over division of assets

Inability to divide hi-end camera equipment ‘equally’ disallows them to mutually separate as per plan

Interview: CCS—an IT firm monetizing professional and private lives of software ‘resources’

The Cogzemini Consultancy Services (TCCS) says it will be the ‘Amazon of Software’ by building on existing industry strengths

Moral Code of Conduct: Politician ACTUALLY disqualified instead of just getting ‘Notice’

Party achieves feat that even Election Commision has seldom achieved! Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service Local politician Miku Singh, was disqualified from participating in the local election for breaking the moral code…

Milk adulteration no longer viable in Bengaluru due to high cost of water

Earlier they used to mix water from lakes, but now customers can guess which lake’s water has been used, just by its smell

Girl found happy despite breakup because ex’s current not as pretty as herself

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service Somewhat cute girl from the neighborhood, the yellow-dressed Kanupriya Kaur Das, was not unhappy after her breakup with Marco D’Souza, an almost well-accomplished football player at a…

Free speech to no longer be completely ‘free’. ‘Senseless’ statements to be taxed to avoid loss of productivity to economy

Bonnet Bots Untrue News Service The government has decided to tax free speech as it runs out of options to control senseless chatter, fake news, and of course, tax deficit. The government…

Roe vs Wade: 5% boost to economy expected Due to Anti-Abortion law

Unseen benefits await industries like Travel and Real Estate even before the un-aborted fetuses enter the…

School kids would be safe if law allowed them to carry guns, says lawyer to NRA

Ban on under-18 gun sales totally responsible for kids not being able to stop shooter themselves, and for a ‘market related’ problem

Nepotism: Pregnant Actress Trolled for Casting OWN Unborn Child as on-screen unborn child

Unbranded pillow denied chance of acting debut; netizens ask if pillow in question was black or white, to decide whether it is a racist crime or…

Actress who gained 25 kg for Movie role, unable to lose it back

Not getting any new role, even for same film series for which she gained weight in the first place! She says…

Woman sues Hospital after husband given only 5 days to live is still not dead after two months

Doctor’s negligence messed up her financial planning around insurance money she wrongly expected due to ‘medically inaccurate false hopes’

After Russian Paralympic Ban, now Russian Women banned from Women’s Day celebrations

To prove that we don’t discriminate against women of color, we need to equally discriminate against women with blonde hair and blue eyes, says man responsible for ban

Warning: Covid-19 vigilante lures innocent kids and adults into masking up

Even countries like Canada are now getting rights to be mask-free, but this locality’s mask freedom is in severe danger, as per this latest report

Veto power is just a practical Veil, but theoretically, the UN is very, very powerful, claims expert

UN strong enough to protect Ukraine, if only Russia would agree not to Veto this action, he says

Leadership is inborn, can never be learnt through coaching, says leading Leadership coach

The absolute proof for this can be found in the (lack of) results achieved by his own students, he claims

Boss asks employee caught in hostage situation to ‘work remotely’ from bank under siege

Defends order saying he had permitted employee to stop work if the masked men raised any objections

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